TLDR: I failed at achieving a goal I had set but succeeded in learning something in the process.
It was all ready (because, as my electronics lecturer always said: before you can do something you have to do something else). The charcoal pencils were sharpened; the table cleaned, the paper laid out. I was about to sit down to begin. But a cry from the 3 year old’s bedroom drew me away: nightmares that kept me up until an obscene hour.
A hiccup, perhaps, but it was more than that. A setback. I had promised, committed, to make an animation – but my imagination flew away and the scope of what I wanted to do became immense. I needed this weird drawing first. And then my time was wrenched away out of my control.
So. I had set this goal. I thought it was achievable but I didn’t achieve it. It failed.
What can we learn from this? I’ve been puzzling over it for two weeks. I don’t have a clear answer yet (I guess you have to be willing to figure this out with me, because if you’re not I would rather direct you to a book. Books have clearly defined beginnings, middles and endings, and tend to have editors and revisions and beta readers who help the author construct neat conclusions. This blog has none of these things).
But two things occur to me:
Thing A
I was thinking of the original goal setting and that perhaps an if-then plan to iron out obstacles would have helped.
Thing B
Goal setting is a science and can be done smart – specific measurable achievable relevant time-bound. But it seems to me that artmaking is inherently unsmart. Only by sitting down and doing the thing, and being fully present with the paper and the pencil, can you figure out where you’re going. If goals are the destinations, art is all about travelling and not necessarily getting anywhere.
Interestingly enough (although I’ve had enough experience with journalling that this is no surprise) it has only been through setting these thoughts down on paper that it crystalised and became clear to me.
Goal setting isn’t the point.
It’s more about an intention – this intention to move forward with my art instead of being stuck.
The intention to sit down with the process and get my hands full of charcoal along the way.
I still like the idea of regular commitments, and will continue, even if the commitments themselves become very vague. Intentions rather than goals.
The intention is to make an animated gif of swallows flying.