I told Gillian that last week I felt “why do I even bother” about this diptych. She exclaimed “No! You should have talked to me! I’m such a fan!”

And even Willem likes them.

I’ve been reflecting that in the art classes I’m finding it very hard to evaluate the other student’s work-in-progress pieces. Paintings go through so many phases and stages, and we don’t paint perfectly on layer one. It makes me wonder whether I should share my work-in-progress paintings.

But then I look at my skull painting, and I like having a record of how it got to where it got to.

It’s just that the process is so darn painful.

“The process, my love, savour the process – it’s all we really have.”

But I live in a product-oriented world and have a product-oriented mind. It’s hard to focus on the process alone.

To be fair, once I actually start applying my paint to these boards, and I smell the paint, and I see the colours, and I get in there with my fingers, then it’s easy. But unfortunately I can’t finish in one sitting. And it’s this in-between-sittings that I’m finding excruciating. Between lessons these panels are hanging in their final spots on the walls either side of the courtyard doors. The arm is the first thing I see when I open my bedroom door. So I’m confronted with this it’s-not-done-there’s-so-much-work-to-do every time I walk in my house.

Maybe I should store them somewhere else.

Maybe I think about these panels too much.

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